“Comparison is the thief of joy.” This little nugget is attributed to President Theodore Roosevelt. What a prescient comment in this generation of cyberstalking where we can check up on our ex and see how their life measures up to our own at any moment. Following your ex around online during or after your Michigan divorce is, in one word, unhealthy.
You’re Feeding an Addiction
No matter how acrimonious your divorce, you and your ex are attached, forever, whether you have children or not, whether you ever see each other again or not. Some might say past love was a bit of an addiction. Being reminded of shared experiences can deliver a feel-good hormone burst that, in the end, does you no favors. You want to eliminate the pain and withdrawal of leaving a relationship by taking a quick peek at their life online, but it’s so easy to find yourself flailing in cyberspace and feeling bad about yourself by feeding this painful high.
You Want to Know If They’re Suffering
You might go onto Instagram or Facebook with the hope of a little schadenfreude, a glimpse of your ex having to get a new job, lose friends, or gain weight. However, you might find that they’re thriving – without you. And then you feel bad about yourself, because of your choice to cyberstalk.
It’s easy to assume your ex is doing well, living the good life, or feeling fine without you, but you don’t really know for sure – peoples’ online representation of themselves is inaccurate, at best. Remember, your ex is going through this divorce too.
Tips to Stop Cyberstalking
Cyberstalking is self-destructive. When you must start over from the world you were living in, the last thing you need is to spend hours looking for your ex online. It impedes you from moving ahead. This is a time when it’s important to show yourself tough love with steps like this:
- Unfriend (or at least unfollow or mute) mutual friends (and your ex, of course) so you don’t see comments from your ex, photos they are tagged in, or any personal updates.
- Better yet, delete social media apps from your phone. You might tell yourself you need a social network for support, but the people closest to you can communicate with you via text or video calls. You don’t need Facebook to get you through your divorce.
- If you really can’t let go of social media entirely, set a timer so you don’t spend more time than necessary online. Work toward the goal of quitting cyberstalking entirely but take baby steps if you can’t go cold turkey.
It’s in your best interested to create psychological and emotional distance from your ex. Some divorced couples still need to communicate because they share children, and that can make life far more emotionally taxing. But you can still stay off social media so you aren’t tempted to cyberstalk.
Get support from a dedicated Michigan divorce lawyer at Femminineo Attorneys. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.