You will experience a buffet of feelings about your divorce from beginning to end. Some will make you feel great about the decision to end your marriage, others will make you feel insignificant and unlovable. To help yourself manage the inevitable emotional strain of divorce, the ups and the downs, there is one thing that must change: your perspective.
Establish Emotional Distance
If you and your ex were together for decades, then you no doubt imagined life together through the ages, from kids to new homes to retirement to grandchildren to travel. And now those possibilities have been eliminated. Why would you want to look at your ex with anything but antipathy, irritation, or hate? The biggest reason – it’s not healthy.
Holding on to the negative feelings and wallowing in the wrongs that have been committed against you, from financial infidelity to physical cheating, will only keep you mired in an unhappy existence. Contempt may have tanked your marriage, but it doesn’t have to poison your relationship with your ex post-divorce.
If you want to get on with your life, forgetting about the bad and focusing on the good can change your future in amazing ways. There is a major benefit to you and everyone around you when you make the effort to move ahead with your life and your ex. Become partners in parenting, rather than enemies after divorce.
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Do It for the Kids
If you are going about divorce the “right” way, you’re doing everything you can to shield your children from the worst of it. The kids have been through enough already. Even if you were careful about hiding disagreements when you and your partner lived under the same roof, children don’t miss anything. They sense tension, they notice a difference in how mom and dad interact.
As difficult as it is going to be for you and your kids to cope with a new normal after your Michigan divorce, there should be a sense of relief when one parent finally moves out. No more fights, awkwardness, or agonizing silences. However, if you hold on to the resentment and anger you have toward your ex-spouse, the kids will recognize that stress. When you co-parent with someone, there is the reality that you will always be in each other’s lives – wouldn’t it just be easier to get along?
Imagine attending school events and not dreading running into your ex. Envision peaceful special occasions or milestones for your child where you both attend. Isn’t it worth the effort to change your perspective on your ex, at least for your kids’ sake? Rather than dwelling on what he or she did wrong, how they hurt you, and what was once so good, focus on what is ahead – it can be all good.
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Changing Your Perspective After Divorce
Making any of these changes can feel like a hurdle you will never cross, especially if you are just at the beginning of your Michigan divorce. You are entitled to feel overwhelmed and grieve for as long as you need. And you can feel hopeless about the co-parenting challenges that lie ahead.
However, perhaps you can find a little hope among the ashes of your marriage. Whether you are on the brink of an empty-nest divorce or you’ve been left in the dust. Being at peace with your new situation will make your life easier as you and your ex navigate the future, from education decisions to how holidays are split up or shared.
Don’t feel guilty about moving on in a healthy way. Divorce is a deep issue, whether you’ve been married for one year or decades. Need support? Contact an experienced Michigan divorce attorney at Michigan Divorce Help in Mt. Clemens, MI, to schedule your consultation.