You could try to ignore the first Valentine’s Day after your divorce. You could throw an “I Hate Valentine’s Day” party. Or you could approach it in a healthy way. Here are some options for surviving February 14, no matter where you are on the recovery spectrum from your recent split.
Evaluate Your State of Mind
Are you feeling especially grumpy as you walk through the mall or grocery store and cursing under your breath about the abundance of flowers, chocolates, balloons, and hearts? You’re probably not the person who’s meant to have a solo romantic movie marathon on Valentine’s Day. (Though a gangster movie weekend might be just the ticket.) Don’t stoke your rage, grief, and every other negative feeling by exposing yourself to places where couples flock on February 14. Set yourself an agenda and put those strong emotions to good use – paint a room in your house, schedule some serious exercise, or volunteer to help a children’s charity or animal shelter (that’ll cheer you up and sap your energy simultaneously).
Treat Yourself
If there’s no one special to buy you a heart filled with candy, then get yourself the kind of treats you’ve always wanted on Valentine’s Day. Schedule yourself a massage, purchase the flowers you love, spend the day at the bookstore, or just participate in an activity that brings you peace, joy, and makes you happy. Take care of yourself. And if that means saying no to an outing with married friends or a party where love will be the centerpiece, then say no.
Find Friends
If you know you are going to need company on Valentine’s Day, make sure the group you pull together is a positive one that will help keep your mind off of your divorce and everything you’ve been through. Plan a fondue night at home with pals – eating in makes it easy to avoid the happy couples who are eating out.
Focus on the Kids
No matter what happened in your marriage, if you have children they are still the loves of your life. Show them that, even in the wake of your divorce, love is still something to be celebrated. It doesn’t have to be romantic love to count. Celebrate the feelings you have for them. Help them work on the valentines they’re pulling together for classmates, give them little treat bags of their favorite things, watch a funny movie, or plan a fun baking session. Your children can keep you busy and distracted like no one else, and on Valentine’s Day after your Michigan divorce that can be a very good thing.
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Trying to pretend that Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist is an almost impossible task, especially if it falls on a weekend when you are less likely to have work or obligations to distract you. Face the holiday head on – it’s only one day after all – and make the choice to celebrate the holiday in a way that is healthy for your current post-divorce state of mind. Above all, stay off of social media.
If you discover that Valentine’s Day has cleared your head about your marriage and you aren’t ready to celebrate another February 14 with your spouse, contact Michigan Divorce Help in Mt. Clemens, MI, to schedule your consultation.